This week I am house-sitting for a friends that live way out in the country and taking care of a cat, a three-legged golden retriever, and a gigantic polar bear (a malamute/husky mix). So far it’s been really quiet and peaceful. I’ve decided to make this a retreat of sorts, so I brought some canvases and my paints with me. Yesterday I painted outside and it was so nice!
All this silence and solitude has given me space to do a lot of thinking. Today I was remembered something I had said a while back: “All I want to do is make art and love people.” I’ve been trying to gauge how I’m doing on both of those. I’m starting to notice how different it feels when I just let go and enjoy the creative process instead of forcing myself to make something either because I feel like I have to, or because I am making something that “might sell”. (As in, “If you made it a different/brighter/prettier color, it might sell.”) It’s that difference between doing and being. I struggle with thinking that if I perform well enough or do things right, I will have success, but I am starting to believe that the real success is in learning to be yourself. To really embrace who you are instead of making excuses or trying to hide parts of yourself that others may not like or understand.
Then there’s that whole “loving people” part. What exactly does that look like? How do I be a person who loves freely instead of doing things to prove my love? This is the harder part of the two, for me. There’s a confidence and peace that comes from that place of being; it gives you the backbone to say no to things that you don’t want to do because you are investing in things that are in line with who you are. While finding that balance can be difficult at times, I know that it’s worth it.
How do you find that balance? Are you also on that journey from doing to being? I would love to hear from you!